Since this journey began over 5 months ago I don’t think I've ever asked the question “why me?” [If i have in a previous post, I blame the brain fog] I’m still not asking that question, but I am going to pull my cancer card [read: get out of jail free for just about anything card] and say I have a right to feel down about things. Sorry if this comes as a shock to those who have been so encouraging to me or who have said they are amazed by my positive outlook. I can only say that I am human… and hypothyroid… therefore, I am prone to the occasional mood swing now and again.
What brings this on now you ask? I really don’t have a good answer for that. I know that my life has basically been on pause since May and I barely register that we are only 2 weeks out from Halloween. Moreover, in the last 5 months I've been living and breathing Cancer World. Not Sassy Vibrant Young Carefree 30-Something World. I’ve felt weak, sick, diseased, isolated, alone… While the people around me have gotten pregnant, married, engaged, changed jobs, bought houses… basically moved forward in their lives.
I was told that getting cancer was just a speed bump in life. [which is probably true in the overall grand scheme of things] Right now it just feels more like I’ve come to a washout in the road and everyone else is on the other side.