You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby!

Four years.  Four years.

It’s been exactly four years since I took my I-131 radioactive iodine treatment for my papillary thyroid cancer. My oh my, how my life has changed since then!

I’d like to say I haven’t given cancer another thought since that day, but truth is, I think about it every day. Every morning I wake up and take my thyroid replacement pill first thing and wait an hour before eating or drinking anything that might affect the absorption.  During my pregnancy my daily dose was changed 5 times to meet the increasing demands from my body and from Maddie. Since her birth 2 months ago, my dose has been changed twice as my body readjusts to my “new normal.” Without this one little daily pill, I would slowly go more and more hypothyroid and eventually my mind and body would shut down.  I would be so screwed in a zombie apocalypse scenario.

I have just one more year until I can say I’ve been cancer free for the magical five years = cured mark.  In this upcoming year, I have plans to undergo a whole body scan once my daughter is weaned.  Once again I will have to go hypo on purpose.  Once again I will have to take some RAI and go into isolation for a short time – this time from my husband and daughter – to protect them from my radioactive self.  Hopefully this time nothing shows up on the scan in my thyroid bed or in my lungs.

If I think on it too long, it terrifies me. So I try not to let my mind go there.  I have a long life ahead of me – including seeing my great-grandkids grow up – and I'm positive there are many adventures awaiting me!

Meet Jo

Once upon a time I had a visitor named “Bob”… 

“Bob” {for the short story} had invaded a space formerly occupied by my unassuming thyroid, carotid artery, trachea & esophagus so I had to evict him… twice. And then I had to clean up the mess he left behind.

I’ve been “Bob” free for *almost* 3 years now.  Three wonderful, visitor-free years… until I found “Jo.”

“Jo” as it were, happens to be a new resident in one of my axillary lymph nodes.  Well, maybe not quite so new… I first noticed something around Christmas and thought it would just go away, you know just a short visit over the holidays and then gone?  Three months later and my visitor is still hanging around so I hired a Physician Investigator to help me get to the bottom of it.

I am terrified of the various possibilities of just whom “Jo” might be.  A relative of “Bob” perhaps?  A stranger just passing through?

My PI has big plans to do a biopsy to get to the bottom of that one soon… like April 9th soon.  So until then I’m on pins and needles wondering just what “Jo’s” intentions are…

Blisters for Boobies!

Have you noticed the little mileage tracker creeping up over there on the sidebar?  That means I am *officially* in Susan G Komen 3 Day training mode!  I am finishing the 2nd week of a 16 week training plan with 10 miles tomorrow. 

Yes, I said 10 miles tomorrow.

I will be walking with my team for approximately 3 hours starting at the lovely hour of 6am on a Saturday to beat this crazy heat.  All in the name of boobies everywhere.

I am no stranger to this event.  This will be my 4th year walking the 60 mile journey. I’m no stranger to walking in heat indexes of 100+ degrees or temps that dip into the 30’s. I’ve seen team members go down with mild dehydration and I’ve seen them spend hours in the med tent being taped up.  The 3 Day is no joke and the 500 miles of training prepares you for that.

But one little problem has plagued me every year.  Blisters.  And I’m not talking a little tiny bump on the side of my toe. I’m talking heel encompassing, foot swallowing, toe engulfing blisters.  By the end of each event, my feet are so sore I hobble around like I’m 100 years old. 

I have tried everything… band aids, blister bandages, Moleskin, Duct tape, Body Glide, powder, Vaseline, soaking my feet in Epsom salts, socks, different socks, and then two pairs of socks at the same time, new shoes, more new shoes…  It doesn’t

matter.  My feet just blister.

I have learned a few tricks along the way… like wrapping my 2 last toes on each foot with Meijer fabric bandages to prevent little tiny blisters on the pads of those toes.  And that moleskin just refuses to stay put on my heels unless I use fabric {not paper} medical tape to encase the moleskin.

So far this year… {knock on wood}… I haven’t gotten any blisters from training.  It is too early to declare victory just yet, but I have to admit I am pretty excited by this lack of development!  Tomorrow’s 10-miler {the first of the season} should be a pretty good test.

But even if they do pop up again this year I will cheerfully wrap them up and remind myself…

I’ve Got A Feelin

“June 12th, 2009 – …My doctor was nearly certain - in fact said he would be "very surprised"- if my full pathology came back as anything but benign. 

We were both a little shocked when I went in to have my stitches out a week ago Friday and found that "Bob" had been sent to the Mayo Clinic for a second look. He said he would call me as soon as the reports from Mayo came back...

So that is basically how exactly 2 months after my 30th birthday, I got the phone call telling me I have cancer”

Today marks 2 years since I heard the words “You have cancer…” over that phone line.  It’s a day I will never forget...  A day that changed my life forever.

It seems like a lifetime ago but at the same time I know I’m not at that magical 5 years = cancer free mark yet.  It is probably why I have been dragging my feet to find a new endocrinologist and have my testing done.  I know I need to do that.  I know.  But I’m scared that there will be news I don’t want to hear.  That and Endos are notoriously prima donna like so meeting yet another one isn’t exactly high on my list.  I will make that appointment. I promise.

So how am I celebrating 2 years of survivorship?  I don’t know yet.  I’m thinking of sleeping in, reading a good book, watching a new movie, and heading down to get a Peanut Butter Dream to stick 2 tiny little birthday candles in. 

I’ll light those 2 little candles.  And while blowing them out I will make a little wish for all the dreams I’m holding in my heart.

Because as I said one year ago today…

“Today is a day to celebrate every moment, to appreciate the little things, to stop and smell the roses, to live life to the fullest, to shout it from the rooftops! 

I am here, I am healthy, I am loved, and I have a very long life in front of me.

For today, I am pushing all of that away and am remembering that today is worth celebrating because life is worth celebrating!  Life in all its ups and downs is simply a gift every single day. 

Today Every day is my most precious gift”

How We Gonna Pay Last Year’s Rent?

Ok I know I’m in nowhere near the predicament that the characters in RENT are facing, {eviction} but this whole renting debacle has this song running through my head.

So in an attempt to clear up some of yesterday’s drama, I did a little digging today.

Today it all started with a phone message response from the management company stating that my apartment had been re-rented on April 10th. 

{Insert confusion here}

The persons in office at my old complex had stated it was re-rented right away as in January or February.  Big difference in the refund coming my way between those two timeframes. So my next step was to call the apartment complex directly and get the exact date that my exact unit had been re-rented. 

The story?  Well someone had put a deposit down on my apartment fairly quickly after my move out… and then at last minute pulled out of the deal. {jerk} So my apartment had been “on hold” for this person who then decided they didn’t want it and the complex then had to try to find another renter. {double jerk}  They finally did find another renter who moved in on April 10th not in January or February. {dangit}

I’m still a little peeved at the management company for not informing me of this little fact because I’ve been paying $$ when I should be getting $$.  And I will still be writing a strongly worded letter if the situation is not resolved very quickly.  But for now, I am just very happy that my obligations have been fulfilled and its one less monthly debt to concern me.  And let’s face it, there are many other things I would rather spend that $710 on!

Thirty {Point} Two

I refuse to believe that another birthday means an increase in my age, hence the point two on the end. I need that part to help me remember exactly just how old I am since at some point after 25 I started forgetting that little fact.  I know, I’m old and showing my age by admitting that sometimes I forget how old I am! 

I firmly believe that you are as old as you feel.  Some days that means I’m 5, sometimes I’m 20, and sometimes I’m 100.  It just depends on the day, my mood… and maybe the weather.  My rheumatism acts up from time to time contributing to the 100 factor… and if you don’t know me, I’m kidding on that last one… maybe…

But to be serious for a minute, a birthday is something to celebrate with full force. This is my second birthday after my cancer diagnosis… not quite my “cancerversary” yet but one year closer to that 5 year term “cured” mark!  I’m alive and well and thankful for every breath I take. Yes, that even means on the bad days!  I laugh and cry more freely than I did before.  I pay attention to my body and things that might not be quite right.  I take more chances and don’t worry so much about what other people think.  I make a point to enjoy relationships, family, friends, every moment of me time, the smell of spring flowers, the story in a good book… I know I’ve said it before but hearing the words “you have cancer” changes you.

For me the change was living fully and I’m forever grateful for that.

So happy thirty {point} two to me!  I’m looking forward to the next year’s worth of adventures!

Color Your World

The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.
Marcus Aurelius

I was wandering through Wally-World to pick up cat litter about a week ago and found myself in the health and beauty aids (read: cosmetics) because there is always something you need. 

I had happily filled up my “buggy” (Appalachianism) with all natural, organic shampoo & conditioner, a clay face mask, and tea tree oil based foot massage lotion when I wandered past the Nicole by OPI nail polish. 

I’m a sucker for nail polish. And I got rid of a bunch of it when I moved. Bingo!  I have PLENTY of need for more nail polish!  I grabbed a few colors and decided I could allow myself one new one, but just one.  It was narrowed down to two… the deciding factor?  What were their names? (fyi for the males, all the good nail polishes have names)

I can’t recall the one I didn’t buy… but the one I did?

Name: Change The World.  Color: Pink

Sold!

Blisters for Breast Cancer!

Yes, I'm doing it again - I signed up for the 2011 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure! I had such incredible experiences while walking the 3-Day for the Cure that I'm going back for more. I'm so excited about this event, especially since I will be walking in a new city - Tampa Bay!

I had not planned on walking this year because if you haven't heard, I moved 12 hours away from Michigan to Tennessee!  With the move, a new job, new surroundings, I just wasn't sure how the fundraising and training would fit.  But in the end I knew I had to walk... not walk away.  This event isn't easy, but I promise you, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't believe 100% that it was worth every muscle ache, weary night and training walk!

I need your help. I am planning on surpassing the $3000+ that you - my friends and family - gave so generously last time around to help end breast cancer.

This year I'm walking in memory of my Grandma S and in honor of the many, many cancer survivors in my life.  I would be honored to walk in memory or in honor of one of your loved ones too!

Just follow the link below to visit my personal fundraising Web page to make a donation.  And please share this post with your friends and family that may want to donate too - the more people this message will reach, the closer we get to finding a cure!
 
If you have any questions or want to hear more about what I'm doing, I love talking about the event. Thanks for all of your support. I'm incredibly lucky to have people like you in my life!

Love,
Christina
www.the3day.org/goto/christina2011

P.S. Don't wait - donate today!  The sooner I reach my fundraising goal, the sooner I can focus on the training needed to make it through all 3 days!

Wordless Wednesday

Mind Over Mass?

I was reading an article on CNN.com today about a guy who “visualized” his bladder cancer away.

Uhm…

Ok I’m not one to knock a miracle or anything… and I think we have all heard a story or two of someone who was seriously ill and then suddenly wasn’t… but I always cringe when I see articles like this. Articles that basically say you don’t need to get the standard treatments, you can just sweat/exercise/eat/think yourself to a cure!

While I can’t argue that miracles DO happen, I think I can safely say that they don’t happen to everyone. And if you forgo all the amazing things that modern medicine can offer, you may just get the short end of the stick.  In my humble opinion, you need to take ownership of your diagnosis and then do whatever it takes to kick it’s little booty!

At the same time I have read many studies about the impact that attitude has on outcomes in patients.  Basically they all say if you think you are sick and dying, you may want to be a little more careful of what you wish for…

Now, I’m not going to say it’s easy to stay positive through months [and sometimes years] of treatment.  I know I had my moments… or at least I think I did… where everything was completely miserable, horrible, the worst ever.. [hmmm now I think I’ll have to look back at those blog entries to check]  And sister, if it makes you feel like you have some control over the situation by eating only raw, crunchy, rabbity food… by all means go right ahead!  We could all use those extra vitamins and minerals to boost our immune systems!  And if you feel like meditation and visualization helps you keep things in a positive light, then Namaste.

But please, please, please people… talk with your doctors about all your options! You may be surprised to find how many of them will encourage and support your complimentary medicine wishes and will even incorporate them in your treatment plans.

In the end it’s all about owning your body, mind and spirit instead of letting the diagnosis take that role.

Nutty Part 2

Did you notice something new on the bloggy blog perchance?

I’ll give you a biiiiiiig hint…. its right over…

<==============THERE================

Yes ladies and gents, I’ve drunk (drank?) the Kool-aid once again!

In 2009 I told you all I must be nuts because I had just signed up to walk 60 miles in 3 days… for the 3rd time… in the middle of treatment for my thyroid cancer.  Perhaps I was suffering from cancer brain at the time?  So what is my excuse for signing up for my 4th…. hmmmmm… let’s expound on that, shall we?

My 3rd 3-Day was nothing short of amazing.  I was able to walk with one of my inspirations - my aunt who is a breast cancer survivor.  My mom experienced her first 3-Day as a medical crew member.  I watched another of my aunts carry the “Birthdays” flag in Opening Ceremonies.  Watched as my team mate succumbed to the evil thing called dehydration.  I had blisters covering my heels and between my toes and road rash covering my calves. (ps: no one tells you but your skin does weirdo stuff in a post-cancer world)  And I didn’t know it at the time but I saw Jenne Fromm in one of her last 3 Day events as National Spokesperson… gonna miss that girl this year. Walked in ridiculous heat that fast approached the 100F mark.  And as a team we raised almost $20,000 even in the crappy economy of Michigan!

And why was all that amazing you ask?  Because of moments like these…

World Cancer Day

Every year 12 million people receive a cancer diagnosis.  Of those, 7.6 million will die of their disease. 

I am one of 12 million who heard those words in 2009.    It’s amazing how isolated you feel when you hear those words yet there are 12 million others that have heard the same thing within that year. 

Reading the statistics above, I feel extra lucky today that I am a survivor.  Did you do the math?  Those numbers mean that over 60% who have cancer die of cancer. But it is estimated that 30-40% of those deaths could be prevented and as many as one third could be cured through early diagnosis and treatment.

It’s time for us to fight this global epidemic. Click on the logo above and sign the declaration urging our global leaders to come to action.

A cancer patient will thank you.  I thank you.

I Am Radioactive!

Got to the hospital this morning about 6:45am and headed to the now all too familiar radiology department. I have been the teensiest tiniest bit radioactive since yesterday so I was whisked away to the Nuc Med area pretty much as soon as I walked in the doors. 

First up on the docket for today – the whole body scan!  Basically you lay on a long plank like thing that is only about 1.5-2ft wide for 45min-1hr trying not to move while the circle (camera) passes over your entire body. Then they take you to another room, aim a telescope like camera at your neck and tell you not to move for 5 minutes, then they point it at your leg and tell you the same thing.  Its all a very strange process and I realize now it is harder to be still when you are told to do so!

After the scans were done, we were taken back into the whole body scan room to meet with the Nuc Med Dr.  My parents were with me and he was slightly confused as to who the patient was (kinda uncommon to get cancer so young huh?) which I found slightly amusing.  He basically gave us an overview of what RAI is and it’s purpose – I felt like I was in kindergarten because my knowledge on the subject is much higher than his explanation, I let him continue for my parents.  If anything he told them exactly what I've told them so that was good! (I will accept my doctorate now, thank you very much!) Then he said I would be give 200 mCi’s of RAI!  Ok so 200 mCi’s is pretty much the top dose they give anyone at one time so this slightly freaked me out.  Unfortunately my brain wasn’t working fast enough to get the questions out before he was gone so we headed home for a few hours to return at 1pm for my dose. (they don’t stock this on-site)  So we went to my place and I took a nap, my parents ate some Wendy’s while I chowed on a plain baked potato, and we gathered up the last of my isolation “gear” before heading back to the hospital. 

When I returned I was once again taken right back into a little room where they brought in a lead lined capsule that contained my tiny container of 2 radioactive iodine capsules.  We then had a bit of confusion over me getting/not getting a post treatment scan so when I left I was waiting for a call back.  Well because of the confusion, my Dr called me and said they saw very little thyroid remnant left in my neck (good) and no indication of metastasis (v. good) so with the large treatment dose they expect that everything will be ablated (killed) and they didn’t see any suspicious areas that would make them need a second look with the more sensitive post treatment scan.  I will be followed of course, and the scans can be repeated at any time if my tumor markers go up so overall this plan feels comfortable by all.

So now I'm in my isolation location for the next 7 days so I don’t damage my kitties with radiation!

All Good Things… (last day of retreat)

Last day of retreat went quickly. We started out with a morning service of reflection and then went up to pack up our bags. We then had a drumming circle about unity. I have done this once before in a corporate setting with 400 plus people in suits playing the djembe. This was definitely a more laid back experience! After this we had our closing circle and took some group pictures and we were back to the real world!

I signed up for this weekend to get away from all the stress I've been going through these past months. I wanted a quiet weekend away where I could process things and just be in quiet reflection, maybe getting a massage in the process. What I got out of it was so much more…

Fight Like A Girl