9.28.2009

You Are My Hiding Place

I woke up this morning from a dream in which I was back in high school show choir – back to singing for the first time since my diagnosis of cancer [it’s a dream remember, it makes little sense].  We were singing the star spangled banner which we sang hundreds of times each year (or so it seemed) and I always had the high soprano part. Well in my dream, my voice seemed to be back and in perfect working order… until I got to the ending high part (you know, “laaand of the freeeeeeee”).  It wasn’t that my voice didn’t work but that I stopped singing because I was afraid it wouldn’t. Then I realized someone else was singing it and people were staring at me like I should be singing it.  I woke up crying and almost immediately thought of the song “You Are My Hiding Place” by Selah. [one of my faves] 

Apparently I have some fears surrounding my voice and I think they came to a head because my mom had Selah on when she was driving me around yesterday.  I have problems right now even listening to songs I would normally sing along with because I can’t/am not supposed to sing…

I haven’t been able to sing since May of this year – not really sing anyway. I was just starting to try my voice out again when I had my 2nd surgery. [side note: if you haven’t picked up on it, the thyroid is in the throat area]  I’m not sure if anyone can fully understand how much this rips me apart.  Singing was something I did when I was sad, happy, or just because.  I never thought I was very good at it, in fact I hate listening to recordings of myself, but it made me happy, it was part of who I was, and other people seemed to enjoy my singing.

I have been asked many times why I haven’t tried out for American Idol [too old… seriously!] or why I hadn’t recorded a CD.  I actually did record a CD about 3yrs ago to raise money for breast cancer – its not great as I was only in the studio for 1 day to record 10 songs (recording artists are in studio for 6-12mos on average) and didn’t have any special effects added or editing… but people bought it.  Some even bought multiple copies to give to their friends/family.  I uploaded a few samples from iLike if you want to check it out [see below].

Christy K. on iLike

Anywho, I digress… best estimates are that I will be able to start singing again in December.  Yay that I should be able to sing along with Christmas carols!  But there will be no Christmas performances by me around town… no “O, Holy Night” at Christmas morning service at church.  That is still 2 months from now and until I can sing, being around music or listening to music is painful.  Until that time, I won’t know if everything works like it used to or if I have lost some of my register [upper is most likely to be affected] permanently.  I feel strongly that my singing voice won’t be stripped from me permanently which I am so thankful for… I just may not be a 1st soprano anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Aw, what an eerie dream! Well, you know my parents love your singing, especially my dad, LOL. I think you sing beautifully too. I know that you will be back to singing as soon as you can. Meanwhile, idk - listen to bad music?? LOL P.S. "I like" the voting buttons!

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