I woke up this morning from a dream in which I was back in high school show choir – back to singing for the first time since my diagnosis of cancer [it’s a dream remember, it makes little sense]. We were singing the star spangled banner which we sang hundreds of times each year (or so it seemed) and I always had the high soprano part. Well in my dream, my voice seemed to be back and in perfect working order… until I got to the ending high part (you know, “laaand of the freeeeeeee”). It wasn’t that my voice didn’t work but that I stopped singing because I was afraid it wouldn’t. Then I realized someone else was singing it and people were staring at me like I should be singing it. I woke up crying and almost immediately thought of the song “You Are My Hiding Place” by Selah. [one of my faves]
I haven’t been able to sing since May of this year – not really sing anyway. I was just starting to try my voice out again when I had my 2nd surgery. [side note: if you haven’t picked up on it, the thyroid is in the throat area] I’m not sure if anyone can fully understand how much this rips me apart. Singing was something I did when I was sad, happy, or just because. I never thought I was very good at it, in fact I hate listening to recordings of myself, but it made me happy, it was part of who I was, and other people seemed to enjoy my singing.
I have been asked many times why I haven’t tried out for American Idol [too old… seriously!] or why I hadn’t recorded a CD. I actually did record a CD about 3yrs ago to raise money for breast cancer – its not great as I was only in the studio for 1 day to record 10 songs (recording artists are in studio for 6-12mos on average) and didn’t have any special effects added or editing… but people bought it. Some even bought multiple copies to give to their friends/family. I uploaded a few samples from iLike if you want to check it out [see below].