And Then He Said Stop

stopThis week went into major fast forward mode starting on Tuesday.  My mind has been racing, my body has been racing.  There is so much to do, so many things to take care of, wrap up or begin.  The list is growing by the moment and certain things are just too much to think about right now and give me total anxiety.  One thing is: I don’t know where I’m going to live yet.  But things are moving in a direction so that I know I will have someplace to live.  I just hate the not knowing thing right now!  Another thing is when am I going to find time to pack in this busy holiday season?  It has to be done, so it will be… I just need to start!

But the main thing giving me anxiety is health related.  I need to find new doctors which doesn’t just mean a PCP or OBGYN or dentist… for me that also means a new Rheumatologist and Endocrinologist and possibly a new Surgeon. It means telling every little detail of the past 2 years all over again.  What if I forget an important piece?  Can I keep my current Endo & Rheumy with my new insurance?  Can I schedule the appointments when I will be able to make the trek home?  And at the last Endo appointment they said at the next appointment [coming up in Feb] we need to schedule my 1 year follow-up scans.  Which means I have to go on the LID again… and go hypo again… this time 700 miles away.  Or will my new insurance pay for Thyrogen?  Will there be any Thyrogen available?  Should I try to get into a new Endo down there to start them out with a bang or should I try to get in with my current Endo before I leave… but then I still wouldn’t have time to schedule the LID, going hypo and my scans… 

It’s just too much to think about right now on top of everything else.  I have too many other things that absolutely have to get done in the next 30 days.  And please, spare me the lectures on the importance of the 1 year scan – I Know – but I also know my TG levels have been undetectable which is a really good signal that my cancer is still gone.

So in the midst of all this too much to do anxiety, I decided to start packing this morning. As I ate my IKEA cinnamon roll, [I managed to squeeze in a trip yesterday to buy me some lovely new curtains for the yet to be named living space] I started to feel that familiar tightening on the left side of my face.  My jaw started feeling stiff, the place where my jawbone curves up below my ear started swelling. [similar to this]  Seriously?!

In the midst of the do I/don’t I in relation to Sjogren’s Syndrome, it sure seems like my symptoms fit the bill.  Symptoms are aggravated by stress and in the last 2 weeks my skin has gotten so dry that it cracks, my hair has been falling out in massive amounts, my hands have hurt so much I could barely  make a fist and well… now my face is blowing up again.

So I’m taking it as a sign that today, I need to just stop.  Meditation, movies, cleaning, writing, scrapbooking… I don’t know what exactly I will do yet but I need to clam my body and mind.  I’m starting with blogging and lots of fluids to jump start my parotid back into action. Hopefully the facial disfigurement is short lived.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, you do need to STOP!!! You are worrying about things that are in the future and not in the near future. Yes they are important and at some point you need to address them, but right now you need to focus on the present and things that are happening right now, in the near future, like packing, bottoning things up here and getting things started in TN. I am not minimizing the stress of trying to find new Doctors by any means and know it has to be stressful, but if you feel this is where God is leading you, and seems to be the case; then He will take care of all of that once you get settled, you will be working for a hospital, correct?? I'm sure He's well aware of your situation and quite certain He wouldn't send you 700 miles away and leave you high and dry and anxious. I'm also quite certain He's taken care of that and will have everything fall right into place!! What I'm certain of is this... Satan is trying to make you have doubts and causing you to be anxious. Don't give Satan anymore time than he deserves!
    Deuteronomy 31:6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
    Love you,
    Aunt Jodi


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