12.12.2009

Will I Ever Feel Normal?

Right now I know things are off because I'm still in a very hypothyroid state because my meds are off, but thinking back over the last few years I realize I can’t remember the last time I felt “normal” or “good.” 

More often than not, I've felt like I have no energy, always feel like I'm coming down with something, and need to rest more than the average person.  I’ve envied friends who flit here and there and just plain get things done.  On the flip side, I've had occasional stretches where I've been overly anxious about everything.  I knew I was being irrational but I could not control the crazy thoughts or complete meltdowns.  I could hardly stand myself and don’t know how others could deal with me.  While there was “nothing wrong” with me, I have a strong suspicion that my thyroid hormones have been completely out of whack for years now.  They say thyroid cancer is very slow growing so it makes sense in a way…

To solve my no energy problem, people tell me to just add some more exercise to my routine.  They just cannot understand this level of exhaustion or the fact that if you push too hard your body completely crashes.  In the past years I've trained to do the 3 Day, walking an average of 20-30 miles a week and while I've felt physically fit I've still been exhausted.  More often than not, I'd come home from an easy 5 miles after work only to completely crash and sleep for an hour before showering, eating dinner and then going to bed for the night.  My body just could not handle it.

I was reminded of this today as I was trying to finish [and start] my Christmas shopping.  I’m too tired after work to fight the crowds – and - let’s face it the weather hasn’t helped out much either.  After 4 cups of coffee with breakfast, I was on a mission.  I made it approximately an hour before I felt myself crashing and I think I pushed through another 2-3hours of my dad being a girl about ill-fitting pants [aka not wanting to go up a size] before heading back to my parents place.  I was shivering uncontrollably and after loading up with 2 layers of blankets I fell asleep for 2 hours.  It was absolutely ridiculous! 

I’m really hoping that once my levels are corrected I will start to feel “normal” again.  For now I guess I just have to pay attention to signals my body sends and always be near a comfy chair or couch for those naps!

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