To Mom & Dad

I know I've said “thank you” countless times over the past months… It just never feels like enough.

How can I begin thank you for being there for me through everything?

I know at times all of this was just as hard for you to take in as it was for me. I know I have given you information overload with all my research and been frustrated when I couldn’t explain all I had read.

You were there to visit when others weren’t. There to go with me to support groups and Dr appointments, there to listen even I didn’t know what to say, there to listen to and calm my fears, there to remember the things I forgot.

You did my laundry, got my groceries, cleaned my house, dropped off my mail, took out the trash, cleaned up after the “kids”… called the doctors back, relayed information when I couldn’t, recognized when I was past my limits before I totally crashed, and risked radiation exposure to drive me to and from treatment.

You were with me when I laughed, cried, worried…

So “Thank You” mom and dad… I don’t think I will ever be able to adequately express how very much you both mean to me.

Isolation Station

This is my new slogan for the week… or really pretty much since surgery over a month ago… Staying In is the new Going Out. Yes, I have the t-shirt thank you very much.

Today I happen to be feeling much better for the first time since last Wednesday. Not feeling normal yet, but I hardly remember what normal feels like so I'm just happy to not be fighting nausea for 98% of the day! Yesterday I started back up on my thyroid meds and even though it will take about 2 weeks for my TSH to start dropping into a more acceptable range I'm so glad that I'm finally on the way there.

I’ve had some questions about where I'm staying during my isolation period so I'll tell you I'm in an extended stay type hotel with a mini kitchen area and such. No maid service to radiate, brought my own pillows & comforter & towels & food… trying to keep the kitties and the hotel staff safe from my radioactive waves. For those of you who find this radiation thing to be a little far fetched, I'll give you the snapshot of my homeland security card – the one that will get me out of interrogation at the airport when I set of their radiation detectors for the next months. I was told to have this card on me at all times as it gives details about my treatment and contact numbers for verification. Anywho, back to the isolation room… Here are some more shots for your enjoyment.

You can see I was was watching an ANTM marathon on my hotel TV which is sitting next to my own personal TV. Odd I know, but with no TLC, Lifetime, A&E, 5 Discovery Channels, my DVR… I decided I needed my DVD player which wouldn’t hook up to the ancient hotel TV. So my wonderful parents brought me a TV that would work! I’ve also had a couple flower deliveries since “moving in” that have helped brighten the days.

So I guess that’s about all I have for today! For those curious what I ate as my first meal – it was the BK followed by dinner of grilled chicken and mashed potatoes from KFC. Since then I've had pizza, salsa from the Dungeon, toast with butter, Dutch cream curls, and ramen noodles. I know it sounds super nutritious but I've only been concerned with what will stay down. When I get back home is when I will actually start eating more normally in part because I will have my pantry, fridge, freezer, pots/pans, oven… Oh and I can’t wait until I can get my hands on some popcorn at the movies! I have missed that salty, buttery goodness…sigh… Oh and actually going out to see a movie would be nice too!

Say Anything

I’m kind of at a loss as to what to say today.  Today is definitely better than yesterday but the overwhelming waves of nausea are still attacking whenever they feel like it and at times I'm concentrating so hard on not throwing up that I can’t do anything else.  My meditation mantra is “I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up.” for hours on end.  Yesterday felt like an eternity but today its already noon – definitely an improvement.

At this point I'm still going hypo as both my Drs told me I can’t start my thyroid meds until Sunday morning so those symptoms are still horrible as well.  Most notably my entire body is in pain and I don’t think I've ever felt so weak in my life.  I may have to go hypo again for follow-up scans but I can handle it as long as I never have to do a treatment dose of RAI again at the same time.  Last night I was having trouble breathing from a combo of swelling in my neck from the RAI and my depressed respiratory rates from being hypo – couple that with the pain and not being able to take respiratory depressing pain meds… it was miserable.

Positive notes: my salivary glands are less swollen and sore today and I get to eat real food again starting at 1pm!!!!!  I have no idea what my first meal will be today, so far my craving has been a BK cheeseburger w/ ketchup only and fries with BBQ sauce.  I don’t even normally like BK but hey, my tummy wanted it in between nausea waves so maybe that will be it?

NOT Fun

I’ve had many calls/emails/FB/posts/texts asking me how I’m feeling now that I “glow in the dark.”  In one word: SICK.  Looks like my first 24-48hrs of this will be all about trying NOT to throw up.  If I do, I have to call the hospital immediately.

At first I felt ok, but after a couple hours the nausea started to set in.  Now it won’t go away.  I’m supposed to be sucking on lemon drops every 15mins but those make me feel sicker so I'm popping one as often as I feel I can.  I’m supposed to swish with baking soda every 30mins but that is dis-gust-ing so I'm doing that as often as I feel I can.  I’m supposed to be drinking [and going] twice as much as normal, but I can hardly stand to eat so I'm drinking as much as I feel I can.  My salivary glands are very sore and swollen so I'm massaging and putting a heating pad on – that is one thing I can actually stand to do at any time [yay for small victories!].

Other cancer patients and their families are advised “If it sounds good to the patient when they are feeling nauseated, give it to them because that is probably the one thing that will stay down.”  NOT me!  I wanted pizza last night at 10pm that was a big fat NO. [Mom said so!]  I’m resigned to oatmeal and rice cakes and chocolate zucchini bread – the same things I've been eating since September 18th – until Saturday 1pm. 

I do have to toot my own horn a bit and say I'm very proud of myself for NOT cheating on the LID, not even a little.  Granted I started a little earlier than expected because of the scheduling mix up and I was not total LID the weekend of my cousin’s wedding [Sept 19-20] but since then…

Oatmeal w/ brown sugar and cinnamon	bow tie pasta w/ homemade pomodoro sauce [v.good]
Rice cakes w/ Peanut butter and bananas	Flowering Teapot

On a more positive note, flowers were delivered to my “isolation station” today!  No pics yet but ich war sehr suprised und glücklich!  They were from “Gpa 09” [yes he did sign the card that way!]. My grandpa is about the sweetest thing ever – Thank You!

I Am Radioactive!

Got to the hospital this morning about 6:45am and headed to the now all too familiar radiology department. I have been the teensiest tiniest bit radioactive since yesterday so I was whisked away to the Nuc Med area pretty much as soon as I walked in the doors. 

First up on the docket for today – the whole body scan!  Basically you lay on a long plank like thing that is only about 1.5-2ft wide for 45min-1hr trying not to move while the circle (camera) passes over your entire body. Then they take you to another room, aim a telescope like camera at your neck and tell you not to move for 5 minutes, then they point it at your leg and tell you the same thing.  Its all a very strange process and I realize now it is harder to be still when you are told to do so!

After the scans were done, we were taken back into the whole body scan room to meet with the Nuc Med Dr.  My parents were with me and he was slightly confused as to who the patient was (kinda uncommon to get cancer so young huh?) which I found slightly amusing.  He basically gave us an overview of what RAI is and it’s purpose – I felt like I was in kindergarten because my knowledge on the subject is much higher than his explanation, I let him continue for my parents.  If anything he told them exactly what I've told them so that was good! (I will accept my doctorate now, thank you very much!) Then he said I would be give 200 mCi’s of RAI!  Ok so 200 mCi’s is pretty much the top dose they give anyone at one time so this slightly freaked me out.  Unfortunately my brain wasn’t working fast enough to get the questions out before he was gone so we headed home for a few hours to return at 1pm for my dose. (they don’t stock this on-site)  So we went to my place and I took a nap, my parents ate some Wendy’s while I chowed on a plain baked potato, and we gathered up the last of my isolation “gear” before heading back to the hospital. 

When I returned I was once again taken right back into a little room where they brought in a lead lined capsule that contained my tiny container of 2 radioactive iodine capsules.  We then had a bit of confusion over me getting/not getting a post treatment scan so when I left I was waiting for a call back.  Well because of the confusion, my Dr called me and said they saw very little thyroid remnant left in my neck (good) and no indication of metastasis (v. good) so with the large treatment dose they expect that everything will be ablated (killed) and they didn’t see any suspicious areas that would make them need a second look with the more sensitive post treatment scan.  I will be followed of course, and the scans can be repeated at any time if my tumor markers go up so overall this plan feels comfortable by all.

So now I'm in my isolation location for the next 7 days so I don’t damage my kitties with radiation!