Going Mobile?

Ok so I *may* have overestimated this whole working 80hrs every other week while planning a wedding 5 states away thing... See it leaves little to no time for anything these days.

I promised myself that I wouldn't let this little blog slide.. I lied. I just can't seem to keep up!  Sure there are many, many things I could tell you about every little wedding planning detail... But then again some of my guests read this and I want some things to be a surprise for them.  I considered just shutting down the whole thing but then I sometimes have things to say and some of my older posts about my cancer journey have been helpful for others going through it. I can't take that away.. I know how I combed every inch of the internet trying to find someone else who understood.. especially while in isolation.

Sooo here's my last ditch attempt at staying connected.. the mobile Blogger app. I've tried it before and it crashed every post.. especially those with pictures. I gave up. This time I'm crossing my fingers they've worked out the bugs!

On a side note.. I updated my 365 blog (finally) so check out the pics if you like!

Jogging for Jugs

Sooo maybe I’m just a smidge crazy for wanting to sign up to RUN in my first ever 5K a mere 3 weeks before my wedding date?  Oh I don’t know, it sounds like a fabulous idea… right? Right?!

Ok so maybe some of you out there are thinking what’s the big deal? You run… its over, No competition with the wedding… maybe blow off some steam pre-wedding…

Except for one thing. I HATE to run.

Ask me to walk a 5K any day and my answer will likely be SURE!! Heck I’ve even walked 60 MILES in 3 DAYS several years in a row without another thought.  Running?  Well it’s a whole other ballgame my friend.

I’ve done a mile here or there and once I ran because my walk got rudely interrupted by a torrential downpour but I’ve never done it seriously or for any significant distance.

So why RUN?  Well running a 5K.. it’s on my 101 in 1001 to do list for starters. Also? I really need a kick in the booty to get in shape for the wedding… another tick off that list. 

Also?? I’m missing my pink family and really couldn’t just abandon the cause completely this year.  I mean, I may be super busy with working & wedding planning but cancer?  It doesn’t take a break – EVER. 

So while I have my selfish reasons for signing up, I had to at least choose a good cause to support.  Because in the end, helping to fight for the cure is still my biggest motivating factor.

ps: if you want to join the team or donate just go here!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.

SOCS: The Dechubby Project

It’s been a while since I participated in a SOCS entry but today.. well it just seemed appropriate for me to do when my mind is cluttered with so many things to do.  As I was sitting here trying to figure out what of the many things in my head to write about… my “Dechubby for the Hubby” project popped into my head.

I guess project might be the wrong word for it… goal might be more appropriate… but I seem to do better at things that are project or challenge related so project it is.

So what is it?

Well let’s put it this way… I am… fat chubby.

A few years ago I had lost a bunch of weight and was feeling pretty durn good within myself and about myself. Then cancer happened.  Most people may relate cancer to pictures of people wasting away from chemo but my treatments were different.  No chemo, just radiation… oh and they ripped out my thyroid which kinda controls the ol’ metabolism, k?  So anywho… I managed to fairly quickly regain all the weight I lost (plus a few pounds for good measure).

So the project?  Eat better, exercise more, lose weight and look completely fabulous for the future hubby on our wedding day! 

It’s fairly simple right? Suuuuuure… if it were, I wouldn’t be in this chubby state.  I have some bad habits and a really big comfy couch that don’t help things much BUT I also have some knowledge deep within my brain on how exactly to fix it.

I started one week ago and I am happy to report that 5.4lbs of that chubby-ness is gone for goodola!  I just hope to keep up the losing streak so that come the wedding day, I’m worried only about tripping on my wedding gown and not if my arms look fat from the back.

Wake Up!

Things around the blog have been quiet for the last few weeks months… I can give you a hundred and one excuses as to why but the biggest one… I’ve felt like I’ve been in a fog, almost like I’ve been asleep, for quite a while now.

Between traveling 20+ days out of every month, to planning a wedding from thousands of miles away, to having a cancer recurrence scare… some days it was all just too much. Not to mention I spend 10-12hrs a day working on a computer so some days the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen for “fun.”

Being on the go for so long has zapped me of my energy. And my creativity. But slowly I can feel it coming back…

I’ve started working from home which is a HUGE change but I can already tell it’s going to be great!  Meaning no more getting up before dawn to catch a hotel breakfast and shuttle to work 10+ hrs and wait for a shuttle back for a hotel dinner and an empty room. No more weekly trips in and out of airports with baggage fees, layovers, and delays…

I am starting to feel like myself… I’m eating better, sleeping better, and starting to enjoy life again. Shoot, I’m having a life again. I wouldn’t change the last 8-10 months a bit though.  I’ve learned a lot and met some great people. I got engaged for goodness sakes!  What’s not to love about that?

I’m hoping that as things get back to a more “normal” state around here I have all kinds of creative moments to share with y’all.  I guess you should just stick around and see!

Thirty {point} Three

It’s that time of year again… my birthday!  And in keeping with tradition of the past two years {thirty plus one & thirty point two} I’m not turning a year older but just adding a {point} 3 to the end of my decade.

I started that tradition when diagnosed with cancer just a couple months after my 30th birthday deeming that year one of the worst on record and in need of a do-over.  This year I think we may have just about made up for that one…

Earlier this week I went in to have Jo biopsied – finally – and while in the room with the gown on and ultrasonic gel slapped all up in my armpit the doc turns to me and says, “I just can’t find anything!”  After a few moments of shock my mom and I recovered long enough to as the questions necessary to deduce that the lump has disappeared completely!  We could not have received better miracle that day! 

Not only is it my birthday but it also happens to be just 6 MONTHS from the day I will marry the most wonderful man I could have imagined for myself.  The wedding plans themselves bring me all sorts of anxiety if I think about them for too long but I can’t wait for the actual marriage! 

I’m also celebrating this year with a new nephew who is just the cutest thing EVER!  I mean just look at that sweet little face!

As if that’s not enough, I’m feeling a bit left out of the cancer fighting circles as of late.  I still love my guys and gals of the SGK 3 Day but I just can’t commit this year with the wedding and all.  Believe me it is SO worth all the blood, sweat & tears to participate, but because I know what it takes, I know it’s not my year.  BUT I can’t leave all the cancer kickin’ to everyone else so I have a few tricks up my sleeve… some I may or may not tell you about in posts to come. 

This promises to be a year to remember so in honor of that I’m finally starting my Project 365!  I hope I can remember to do it every day!

Cheers to a fabulous new year!

*I know, I’m a bit late posting this as my actual birthday was yesterday but a girl has to work too!

Time Goes So Slowly…

…when you are waiting to find out if you have cancer again.

I’m anxiously awaiting the biopsy of “Jo” and the days seem agonizingly long. As of today there are 18 more days of waiting until the biopsy and who knows how long after that to hear results.  We *might* know something preliminary that same day – I really hope so.

So in the meantime, my imagination is left to run wild with all the things it could be. Based on my latest thyroid tumor marker labs, a recurrence of that is not likely to be the culprit. That leaves things like an infection, cyst, lipoma, and of course a second primary cancer as possibilities. 

While cancer is probably the lowest possibility on the list, its hard to ignore. Since I’ve had cancer once, I have about a 20% higher chance than the rest of the population of getting a second type.  If you look at studies on my specific type of cancer & its treatment, you find that I have a 30-40% chance of getting a second primary cancer at some point.

To get my mind off things for a while, I’m heading to Michigan to see my new nephew so I know at least the next 6 days will fly by!  Then its back to work in St. Louis for 8 days and then home to Tennessee for Easter weekend before B-Day.

Happy Day!

Welcome to the world Collin Alan!  Your aunt is so very excited to meet you on Friday!  Oh yeah… and congrats to my sister & brother-in-law!

Meet Jo

Once upon a time I had a visitor named “Bob”… 

“Bob” {for the short story} had invaded a space formerly occupied by my unassuming thyroid, carotid artery, trachea & esophagus so I had to evict him… twice. And then I had to clean up the mess he left behind.

I’ve been “Bob” free for *almost* 3 years now.  Three wonderful, visitor-free years… until I found “Jo.”

“Jo” as it were, happens to be a new resident in one of my axillary lymph nodes.  Well, maybe not quite so new… I first noticed something around Christmas and thought it would just go away, you know just a short visit over the holidays and then gone?  Three months later and my visitor is still hanging around so I hired a Physician Investigator to help me get to the bottom of it.

I am terrified of the various possibilities of just whom “Jo” might be.  A relative of “Bob” perhaps?  A stranger just passing through?

My PI has big plans to do a biopsy to get to the bottom of that one soon… like April 9th soon.  So until then I’m on pins and needles wondering just what “Jo’s” intentions are…

Forgiveness

Forgive (intransitive verb): 1) a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of 2) to cease to feel resentment against (an offender): pardon. [Webster's]

Sorry may be the hardest word to say but I think forgiving someone is the hardest thing to do.  Not to just say you forgive someone for something but really, truly forgive them.

You see, to truly forgive someone you have to give up on that anger and resentment you have built up.  Those emotions are much easier to hold on to than to make yourself vulnerable to be possibly hurt again.  It’s especially difficult when the person you are forgiving hasn’t apologized or asked to be forgiven at all.  You almost have to make yourself forget the offending act ever happened.

An article I came across by the Mayo Clinic has an interesting perspective on the effects of holding on to that resentment and anger:

What are the effects of holding a grudge? 
If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

I don’t want to allow these wrongs to take root and control my life so I’m working on forgiveness right now for a few people in my life. 

I know that if I can just get there, and I mean really get there, I will be free of it and have the peace I want.

Think What You Will

I blocked some people from my Facebook page. 

{You would think the world had ended because of that one simple click of the mouse!} 

I even drew ridicule from some additional people in their status… so I blocked them too. 

I even toyed with just deleting my account altogether but there are people on there I don’t have emails or phone numbers handy for, and pictures of people far away that I want to see from time to time.  There are people on there who aren’t involved in this mess.

I chose to remove certain people from my little online space because of a series of events that have caused nothing but hurt and heartache.  I don’t want to be surrounded with negativity or jealousy or petty drama.  I certainly don’t want to be reminded of it every day. 

Perhaps I should say I chose to remove myself from their spaces.  Hopefully it will give them less fuel for their fires and they will find someone else to focus their negativity on.

If not, well then to them I say:  Think what you will… you are entitled to your opinions just as I am entitled to leave them all behind.

Home

Finally.

I’m home.

For more than 24 hours.

For the first time since November 15th.

{Insert contented sigh here.}

New Year

Well it’s the new year and I haven’t managed to actually do my year in review post.  Perhaps I will get to that later this week… and perhaps we shall just skip that one this year.  I’m voting for skip it.  What do you all think?  I also haven’t posted any New Year’s resolutions… mostly because I haven’t made them yet.

Anywho… I was on here just checking on a couple things and thinking about making some resolutions before heading to work {yes it’s a Sunday and yes I have to work} and noticed my 101 things list has pretty much fallen by the wayside… not that I haven’t made any progress mind you… I just haven’t updated the list in quite a while!  Especially in the book and movie area.

I also noticed that my deadline for the 101 is only 1.5 years away! And I know I have a couple of things on there that are year long projects. {365 Photos anyone?}  I hate to back down from a challenge and I especially don’t like to fail any goals I set for myself…

SO…

My New Year’s resolution is to focus on my 101 list… because it pretty much contains any of the old standard resolutions that we all make year after year {health, wealth, happiness...}.

What are your resolutions?

Checking Off My List

Planning a wedding means having a plethora of to-do lists… none of which I’ve looked at!

I am usually a huge list kind of girl but I haven’t had a chance to sit down and make one for the wedding yet.  But I do have a general idea of what needs to go on the list and am very happy to report that we managed to check off quite a few key list-type items over the last week! {I was very lucky the fiancé was up in the Mitten with me so we could get things done.}  So what exactly have we accomplished?

• Minister – Booked!
• Church – Booked!
• Reception Site – Booked!
• Caterer – Booked!
• Wedding Gown – Purchased!
• Engagement Pics – Taken!
• Save the Dates – Ordered!
• First Pre-Marital Counseling Sesh – Completed!
• Wedding Website – Created!
• Bridal Show – Attended!  Where I got…
• TONS of info on flowers, photographers, photo booths, cakes, hotels, honeymoon sites, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, limos.. you name something wedding related and it was probably at the show!

Now I’m feeling less stressed and more excited about things again and I’m so thankful things are falling into place for us!