Forgiveness

Forgive (intransitive verb): 1) a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b: to grant relief from payment of 2) to cease to feel resentment against (an offender): pardon. [Webster's]

Sorry may be the hardest word to say but I think forgiving someone is the hardest thing to do.  Not to just say you forgive someone for something but really, truly forgive them.

You see, to truly forgive someone you have to give up on that anger and resentment you have built up.  Those emotions are much easier to hold on to than to make yourself vulnerable to be possibly hurt again.  It’s especially difficult when the person you are forgiving hasn’t apologized or asked to be forgiven at all.  You almost have to make yourself forget the offending act ever happened.

An article I came across by the Mayo Clinic has an interesting perspective on the effects of holding on to that resentment and anger:

What are the effects of holding a grudge? 
If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

I don’t want to allow these wrongs to take root and control my life so I’m working on forgiveness right now for a few people in my life. 

I know that if I can just get there, and I mean really get there, I will be free of it and have the peace I want.

What Are You Waiting For?

It's in my nature that I lack a bit of patience. I don't think that is too big a secret from those who know me best? It is, however, something that I think I'm good at internalizing to a good degree.  It causes sleepless nights, knots in my stomach, and many, many overly melodramatic thoughts in my brain.  I'm super good at playing through the possible outcomes in my head.

I think the one thing that brings the most anxiety is a factor beyond my control... the other person.

Nearly all waiting situations involve a second party do they not? Waiting for your doctors appointment, waiting for a coworkers call, waiting on your friend to reply to your email... you realize very quickly that you can influence but can't control the outcome.

So you wait... and wait... and wait!  And maybe one day soon you will get the answer.